31 days of simplicity through structure

Washing dishes. Folding laundry. Figuring out health insurance and remembering to floss. Being a grown-up sometimes feels like busy work, rote practice to ensure that I have the hang of it. In elementary school, "mad minute" drills induced sweaty palms and a racing heart. There wasn't time to show my work, neat columns of numbers. There was no delight in the doing, simply an overwhelming sense to finish one problem so that I could move on to the next. 

As I go through my days now, I am reminded of that "hurry up, move on" feeling. I have work to do, papers to write, all while maintaining my adulthood by writing rent checks and making dinner for myself. I'm treading water instead of swimming, and I'm tired of that. 

There is so much that I want to accomplish - yet until now, the ideas and intentions are overshadowed by expectations. A stack of Sunday Times remains unread, as I haven't had a chance to read them on my front porch with coffee, homemade. I have saved them until I am able to savor them... one day. That which is meant to bring delight has now become an obligation, reminding me of the life that isn't quite mine.  

I  delay the hard work, the digging in and creating, waiting until all the smaller tasks are crossed off, creating space for the larger project. I'm realizing that it's not exactly space that I need, but structure.  There is a difference between busy and full. I crave the pace of purpose, fueled by intention instead of fear.

Today marks the start. For the next thirty days I will be chronicling my progress toward simplicity through structure with Myquillan Smith's October challenge.