right where I am

I have so many hopes for this year. I see the life I want to live, days of quiet and productive writing, of spending time in His word and walking by faith. I crave an uncluttered life - free of unnecessary things, yes, but also free of worry and fear and regret. I want to name myself "runner" - strong and fast - and feel worthy of the noun form of the verb.

I seek structure, where I find protection from unyielding Time. I hate the helplessness of minutes slipping by and instead of scrambling to make the most of them, I want to create routine, a way with time instead of against it.

I am keen to step into this new life, a life unhurried and purposeful. I'm realizing, however, that I may be setting myself up for disappointment. Sara Bareilles reminds me, "Compare where you are to where you want to be and you'll get no where." That distance can overwhelm; instead of finding motivation in the gap, I retreat.

And yet I read the words of Jeff Olson in his book The Slight Edge - "What most people call a 'problem' is simply a gap, an open space between point A and point B. And if you keep an open mind, it's an open space you can bridge" (p. 155).

I struggle to make peace in these two perspectives - to make peace with my present while at once yearning for what could be.

I'm finding that the salve, the antidote to this struggle is starting (a lesson from the courageous Tiffany Han). To acknowledge the present by refusing to wait until the moment feels right. To take what I have and use it purposefully.

It is in starting that I know that what I have and who I am is enough. In starting I overcome the pull of complacency when the gap between here and there seems too wide. With action comes peace of mind, the peace of progress, however small.